A Mix Of Emotions!

Hello everyone!

So I put up a Facebook post and a Tweet earlier to let you all know that I will not be uploading a video tonight. I have been on holiday for the past 5 days, as most of you will know, and I planned my video out to film, edit and upload for tonight but it just went all wrong. This morning I sat down and filmed my 'Taylor Swift inspired makeup look' but my editing software went really slow and corrupted some of the files and I have bad internet for uploading today for some reason - it just varies. So I am deeply sorry for not uploading tonight.

I know that most of you fully 100% support me when I say that I am not uploading for whatever reasons, but I put a lot of pressure on myself to be on time and organised with my YouTube and blog. I know I shouldn't, but I do. So I promise I will have a good video ready for next week's video!

So what I mainly wanted to talk about on today's blog post was the mix of emotions I have been feeling lately, I think just as most teenagers do. And my blog seemed to get a lot of views the  last time when I just sat down and wrote my feelings so that's what I felt like doing today.

Now I always promised myself that I would be 100% honest on my YouTube and blog, otherwise I feel like I come across as fake. And misunderstood. And I don't want to be misunderstood - so I want to just let you all see a little insight into the 'behind - the - scenes' of my YouTube and blog.

I have, since I was around 7 or 8, struggled with just feeling happy. I don't usually let this come across on my videos but sometimes it's hard, as some of you might have seen in my vlogmas series I did in December 2014. It mainly started when my parents divorced and I moved schools and I remember I just used to sit on my own on a bench and ignore everyone. I remember feeling so lonely and I would cry on a daily basis about just going into school, knowing I had no friends. I hated it and I always resented my parents for the way I felt. When I was 9 I did start to make friends. But I always felt unhappy behind it all, and I do still feel like that sometimes, just unhappy for no apparent reason. Now, you might ask why I am telling you all this? Well, I know that if I feel it, then many others must too as we are all human and a human being only experience up to 7 or 8 emotions in their lifetime, apparently, some more than others. Now, when you put it like that, it makes you feel a lot less lonely and sad. And YouTube and blogger has been something that has really helped me realise this and connect with people that I might never have known if not.

I am not saying, for one second, that I am always unhappy, I am depressed etc. Because that is not the case. I have an amazing relationship of nearly 1 year, I have a loving family, fantastic friends but everyone feels down sometimes. I get very stressed out and sad about the smallest things in life. I'll give you one example:

I took music as an option for my GCSE's. This means I cannot get out of it for another 2 years as it was my choice and I will be tested and graded on it when I turn 16. I hate music. Music lessons. I have always loved listening to music, playing music, writing music, but I have found that learning about the theory of music and being tested on how well I write songs is not for me. This makes me constantly worried and stressed. And I can't do anything about it.

I don't really know why I am telling you all how I hate my music lessons but I do and I want to be honest. I want this blog to be a real version of me, not an edited version to suit the internet.

I have tried councelling for depression and for general stress and had never felt it had helped. What genuinely helps me to stay focused and happy is my blog and my YouTube because it is something that gives me a purpose and makes me stand out from everyone else, obviously along with family and friends etc. So that's what I want to focus on. It makes me feel special and gives me something to look forward to focus on for the future.

So please know that if you ever feel down that I feel it too and many others will feel it at some point in their life. Please feel free to comment down below or email me on my inquiries email: askitsemilyherehi@gmail.com

I hope you all didn't mind me having a little almost rant on my blog but it helps me to just write it all down.

Make sure to let me know what you would like me to talk about on my blog and YouTube and also if you have any topics you would like me to have an input in then you can email my inquiries email too, just make sure to let me know whether you want it to be private or publicly talked about about my blog.

I love you all lots and I will speak to you in my next one! 

Xo's Emily.

WHERE YOU CAN FIND ME:

Email me with any questions or inquiries you have: askitsemilyherehi@gmail.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ItsEmilyHereHI

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/emilywilliamsmusic031199

YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0oRrBAp0IzPqkFlVE5Vvcw

WHEN YOU CAN SEE ME AGAIN!:

I post videos once a week on a Sunday night at 8pm and in school holidays (British school holidays) I post two videos a week, one on the usual Sunday time and one also on a Thursday night at 8pm also. I update this blog as often as I want to, so there's no set schedule but I have all my other social media in the mean time!